And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
