if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
