his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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