What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
