from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
