well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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