it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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