I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
