the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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