She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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