She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
