Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
