What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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