you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
