very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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