new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
