Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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