At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
