good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
