I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
