Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
