mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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