I swear she didn't look like that last week.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
