i'm signing you up for texting rehab
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
