i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There r osticjed everywhere
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
