Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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