he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
