Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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