Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
