So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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