you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.