you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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