thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
