Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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