She said her name was "party"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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