They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Less talking, more tequila
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
