Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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