Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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