The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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