I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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