I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
