she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
