I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
