You made me cry and you don't even care
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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