I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
