That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
