she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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