i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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