Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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