I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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