Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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