someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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