How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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