i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
