Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize