so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
