woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
