i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Less talking, more tequila
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
