Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
