i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
