Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
