I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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