Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
