I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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