yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
